Decluttering Motherhood

My motherhood has at times been overwhelming, feeling myself losing a grip and so badly wanting to take back control, to stop swimming against the tide. For me, being empowered to make physical, tangible changes to my environment had the power of shifting my internal thoughts to a place where I could focus and become the Mum I wanted to be.

I love nothing more than a tidy house, if everything externally is in it’s place, then

internally, my head feels like it has space, to think, be creative and to stay calm. I’ve felt this way ever since I was a girl and for better or worse, I feel it within my motherhood too.

The 6 months that followed the birth of my third baby were hands down, the hardest time in my life. My induction and labour were stressful, I naively thought everything would be ok, I’d done it twice before, I’d be home within a day or two…I’d even ordered a food shop to arrive! Oh the irony! A retained placenta and haemorrhaging led to blood transfusions and 4 days in ICU. As I cautiously wobbled out of hospital one week after giving birth, I was a different person.

I was totally thrown off balance, I didn’t know who I was anymore. I operated in a numb, zombie like state, feeling as though I was looking down on my life, watching and wondering how everyone around me was carrying on as normal when I felt so disconnected from it all. I’d had a paradigm shift, my whole being had changed. Life was so demanding, I felt so incredibly stretched between 3 children, physically and emotionally, I could be neither who I needed to be, or even wanted to be.

I couldn’t cope with much and I didn’t have the bandwidth for anything more than caring for the children but making the choice to lean into this season of my life was a valuable step forward for me. I protected my mental health by declining invitations (or said yes knowing I’d cancel on the day), I let the house and all it’s chores go and chose to prioritise washing my hair over washing the dishes. This carried me through for a few months, but in case you hadn’t figured, I’m a bit of a control freak and although I was accepting of the fact I was now ‘Mum of Three’, trying to accept that the disorderly, unruly scenes surrounding me were the norm, didn’t sit right.

Reading ‘Simplicity Parenting’ by Kim John Payne was a turning point for me. It taught me the importance of our environment and the effect it has on our mental state. The concept of living with less in order to free up time and mental energy felt like a golden ticket and what’s more, it meant I was in back in the driving seat and able to take control of my home again.

Motivated by the book and its case studies, I did an experiment and decluttered my daughter’s room, which was causing us both a lot of stress…me telling her to tidy it and her having to listen to me moaning about her tidying it! I was quite ruthless, around 80% of her toys were sorted, categorised, and put into boxes in the garage. (I was worried she’d freak out if all her stuff was gone so wanted to offer a bit of a security blanket!) The positive changes I saw were palpable, which I know sounds OTT, but really, it’s true. She played for longer, slept better, tidied her room (winning!) and I enjoyed being in there with her, no longer stressed out by all.the.stuff. And what happened to the toys in the garage I hear you ask…? She didn’t ask for them, not once.

So, hanging on to the win of that one room, I continued through the house, reducing our items, doing charity drop offs, lightening the physical and mental load and organising the stuff that remained. As time went on, the fog began to lift, and I felt I was slowly settling into the Mum Of 3 I wanted to be, I had more time and energy to spend with my family and do the things that truly made me happy.

To be clear, I’m not saying my home is perfect now, I don’t consider myself a minimalist, of course there are cupboards that I think have too much stuff in and the Lego all over the floor still sends me to crazy town. Decluttering gave me a kick start to get back in control of my home and my motherhood, to reduce the overwhelm I was feeling, in both the mental load and the physical demands that ‘stuff’ brings. I’ve learnt that having less things to manage, consuming less and controlling what comes into the home leads to a simpler and more enjoyable way of life. It feels cathartic and freeing and having the ability to change the environment you live in is really empowering.

Fiona Adams

I set up Home.Sort.Support because I can 100% relate to finding parenting impossible whilst having to juggle a million tasks, feeling my brain fit to burst with the mental load & putting my needs behind those of the kids and the household chores.

I'm passionate about supporting women in their motherhood journeys and understand the impact our environment has on our mental health and the repercussions this can cause in our parenting. My intention is to give you back time to enjoy your family, to be present and have more energy to do the things you love and value.